My New Year's Resolutions

Hope you all had a fun new year. Our family went to the Wissemann church building and played games with friends while our kids ran around the cultural hall playing soccer and watching "Veggie Tales." After a couple hours we came home and put the kids to bed and decided we couldn't be old fuddie duddies and go straight to bed so we decided to order a movie; that was our first mistake. After flipping through the guide for about fifteen minutes, and not seeing anything that looked good, we finally settled on "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." When this movie came out, my sister Alissa went and saw it on opening night only to be severely disappointed and infuriated by its content. So much time passed since she informed us of what a lame movie it was that we decided it couldn't be that bad and we might as well try it out and see if we like it. It's better than going to bed at 10:30 on New Year's Eve, right?

If you know me very well at all, you know that I can't stand going to the movies because most of the stuff that comes out now is not worth seeing. I'm just too cynical to enjoy most of the lame movies that come out now and I'm not willing to pay such a high price to go see it, not to mention, most actors now have such ridiculous personal politics that I would not put any money in their pocket because they are so clueless about the real world. It's been so long since I've been to the theater to see a movie that I don't even know how much a regular ticket costs; I think it's $10. I think the last thing I saw in the theater was the first Harry Potter movie.

Here are some words that I would use to describe this movie:

1. Ridiculous

2. Unbelievable

3. Improbable

4. LAME!

5. Waste of my life

6. I would have rather been sleeping

First of all, how can a person survive a nuclear blast by climbing into a lead-lined fridge, especially when it gets blasted a half mile away. I haven't seen a person survive that much roll since the tv show "The A-Team."

Don't even get me started on Cate Blanchett or the monkeys, or the ants, or the ridiculously long fight scenes that go nowhere, or the space ship at the end, or the wedding!

The thing that really ruined this whole thing for me was at the end when the "alien" gave Cate the stink eye and then vaporized her. Was anyone surprised that Sean Connery had the sense to turn this project down? I have a little more respect for him.

I'm basing my New Year's Resolutions on this whole experience.

1. Harrison Ford is on my blacklist. I can't support anything he does ever again; okay and George Lucas. Shia LaBeouf was already on it, but he wasn't as bad as I thought he would be.

2. Spend more time sleeping.

3. Create my own version of the movie starring my dog Clifford as Indiana Jones. Of course, I'll force my family to pay $300 a ticket so I have enough money to do a sequel. I wonder where I can get a miniature Indiana Jones hat and whip for him. I'll probably just end up having him wear a lobster costume. I think they still have those on clearance from Halloween at Target. Hey, it's the movies. It doesn't have to make sense!